


Mamihlapinatapei

by crimsonlycoris



Category: D.Gray-man
Genre: F/M, Mentions of choking but only metaphorically
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-04
Updated: 2015-12-04
Packaged: 2018-05-04 22:09:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 975
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5350250
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/crimsonlycoris/pseuds/crimsonlycoris
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Word Prompt - "The look between two people in which each loves the other but is too afraid to make the first move."</p>
            </blockquote>





	Mamihlapinatapei

**Author's Note:**

> I'm putting some of my writing I did on Tumblr onto this account as well so these are fairly old and short.

The first time alarm bells went off in Lavi’s head was the first time he met with Lenalee’s eyes. They were red, swollen and soft from tears shed over the dead of the Black Order, and they were the most beautiful eyes he had ever seen. Constant training in detaching oneself from petty findings such as beauty suddenly kicked in and he warned himself not to get so concerned over another ink dot in the history book.

Lenalee couldn’t help but stare at the profile of the new redheaded Exorcist, committing his curved eyebrows, piercing green eye and snub nose to memory. Johnny enthusiastically talked about the different style of uniform coat, evidently bewildering the boy, and this was how she made her red mark. Her heart missed a beat when she touched Lavi’s broad back gently, catching the attention of that lonesome eye. It tried to be bright, modest and clear but Lenalee could see the frayed edges, like the eye was a tattered coat, hastily mended as it simply had to be suitable for the next time it was displayed. She wondered if in that moment he felt like he was looking in a mirror.

Bookman warned Lavi over the years that he was sowing seeds of a plant he did not know and should not know. He didn’t understand what the old man meant, confident in his measured distance from his comrades. What he had failed to measure was the extra notch on his toothy grin as he saw Lenalee, the added spring in his gait as he raced towards her, the way the seeds grew roots in his heart every time she smiled at him. Only in the dead of night, when his mind was fatigued from reading so many scrolls did a warning bell come to remind him that this plant will strangle him one day.

It was not so hard and fast in Lenalee’s case. The holy war had been tearing at her heart longer than Lavi’s presence had been soothing it. Soon enough, when he was rushed to the infirmary with three broken ribs and a bruised throat, she remembered that the war will also tear away at him. She had stayed by his bedside that night despite her brother’s protests, caressing his hand as he slept fitfully. Lenalee wondered if it was right to make her world purely out of a jigsaw puzzle of friends and family, creating the most fragile lattice in a grief stricken world. But when she saw Lavi’s lip tremble and murmur ‘Lenalee…’, she decided it was better to be wrong, to make red marks.

No one told him it was going to change like this. The arrival of Allen Walker accelerated the history Bookman wanted him to record, heralding calamities beyond what he had seen before. Lavi had felt his breathing constrict as Lenalee had told him to get back to the ship and protect everyone, gracefully falling to his eye level and connecting their gaze. It was a split moment but it was enough to steal his attention away for the duration of the fight. He made mistakes, he got shot and he even forgot how to use a vital Seal in his Innocence. When she returned as a paralysed hero in his arms, tears in those perfect amethyst eyes and uncertainty of reality in her chest, Lavi swore he had never heard the bells scream louder. He knew he had fallen too far, that one more look at her would doom him.

There was nothing clean and logical about this anymore, it was all red. Red marks, red blood, red promises, red resolves and red Boots. He had got her to Hevlaska, vowing not to stop her for the sake of recording, though an extra tone in his voice suggested otherwise. As her home crumbled around her, she soared higher than ever before and defeated the Level Four menace. But whilst the night of battle was all a blur, the night of mourning was sharp to the point of nauseating. Overwhelmed by the new Innocence form and all of her comrades turning to dust around her, she sat on the floor and looked up listlessly. Limping footsteps sounded behind her and she turned, and she muffled a gasp. No, it was not because Lavi was hobbling pitifully. No, it was not because of the bloodstains on his green shirt and no, it was not because of his ghastly cuts. It was that emerald green eye, looking like shattered glass, just how it did back when she first saw him. She knew she had fallen too far, that one more look at him would doom her.

The days, weeks and months after they had moved to the new Headquarters were relatively mild, almost like there was some force in the universe that felt sorry for them. Everything felt dampened and muffled around them as various missions kept the two away from each other. Then, on a seemingly normal day, Lenalee and Lavi stopped in front of each other as they met in a corridor. It felt as if someone lit a candle amongst the gloom, bringing one to focus on the other with renewed light. They smiled and reached forward, ready to intertwine their fingers and forget their suffering.

However, neither was quite prepared to face this doom.

There was a heavy silence as their fingertips rested centimetres away from each other.

Lavi broke it with a soft chuckle. “Mamihlapinatapei,” he murmured.

Lenalee blinked, confused.

“…Sorry?”

He shook his head and stepped back, feeling the weight of the world rest on his shoulders again.

The moment was gone and both passed each other to walk on, unwilling to admit that the seeds sown in their hearts had flowered, become too ravenous, and was desperate to choke the life out of them.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed, please leave a kudos and/or comment if you did!


End file.
